TAR*

There are feelings and thoughts within us that we do not want to analyze because going deeper into these thoughts, turning the lens into high power objective (good lord, can I not go into a single thought without science seeping through my mind?! Apparently, not. Harrumph), we see things that we do not really like about ourselves. Things that are uncomfortable even if it they are molded into our own skin. I have never been really comfortable in my own skin. And here I am 21 years old, and STILL angst-ridden. Gagh. Will there ever be a time when I am rid of this inusufferable angst? Even when I complain about it, it still turns out angst-y. Shoot me.

*totally arbitrary and random

top 5 favorite non-musical sounds

Top 5 favorite non-musical sounds:

Inspired by The New York Times’ screentests for Natalie Portman and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I would add Joseph Gordon-Levitt speaking French as a part of my top 5 but I think that would be cheating in some way or another. Therefore, I added him as a sixth. Yes, I know it is still cheating. Go away. NO! Come back! Come baaaaaack! Wehehehe.

1. The heart beating – I could have a stethoscope in my ear all night, with the scope over my heart and I would gladly drown in the sound. Just two beats with a short, swooshing sound. Two beats and we live, just like that.

2. Reverberating piano key – technically, this isn’t music. Press any key on the piano, especially when you step on the lever at the same time. I’m partial to A and D.

3. Water lapping on the shore – who doesn’t have this on their list?

4. My siblings sleeping – they’re so noisy when they are asleep, especially when they’re all sleeping on the same, huge bed, they make like an orchestra. An orchestra lying down. The bed creaks, the sheets are shuffled and stretched, they sigh a lot, Jason snores, Patrick pokes him unconsciously, then he stops snoring for a while and starts snoring again. Jam smacks her lips and drops the pillow on the floor all the time. It makes a soft plop on the carpet. Joan grinds her teeth and moves around a lot. One time, Jam laughed out loud in her sleep, then promptly quieted down. Another time, Patrick sat up suddenly in bed, then went back to sleep. Everyone dreams. What sounds do your dreams make?

5. Rain. Not just any light drizzle. I love the sound and smell of a good, hard rain.

6. Joseph Gordon-Levitt speaking French. :D

.2 poems to go

You make sounds I’d love to swallow/I’d slide them down my mouth/make them echo in my throat/I’ll have you pull them out/and push them in/over and over again
…

The prayer I hold in my hands is heavy
I would barter it for something sweet
But mama says hold on
We must pray for lola
Pray our fathers
Hail marys
Glory bes
I believe…
It is too heavy.
Mama says shush be still
Jesus will get angry
Bow your head and pray for God’s blessing
Bow your head and keep quiet.